Today marriage is being strained from so many directions that most can’t figure out how to keep it together. This is a sad state especially when you consider that most experts agree that marriage is an institution that is sacred and it should be protected. It is also believed that marriage is one of the necessary foundational entity’s that helps to keep a country from unraveling.
Experts also agree that people who are in healthy marriages tend to live longer. These same experts tell us that children who come from a home where there is a healthy mutually respectful married couple, children tend to prosper better in life.
Throughout the past 22 years of being married and observing many of my married friends, I am a witness to these positives attributes happening in all good healthy marriages. Even in marriages where one or both had tried before but it didn’t work. Yet, now the people are remarried, older and wiser in their approach to marriage these principles seem to apply.
Over the years my husband and I have learned that in order for us to have a successful marriage we needed to cultivate certain habits within our family. We have found that the following practices promoted a healthy well-balanced family, which in turn allowed for a peaceful loved filled marriage. I would like to share some of our strategies with you:
Cultivate a spirit of humility
As a couple, learn to sometimes turn your own thoughts away from self to zero in towards others. Teach your children to put others first. (Golden rule). Not in a degrading manner, but with a servants spirit. I mean, how do you treat guest when you invite them into your home? This should always be our way of treating others. As our children were growing up, we always lead them in some type of charitable activity. This created a sense of self-worth and relevancy within our home.
Create a purposeful family
Give each individual a reason to “want” to do. Every member need to understand that the household can’t run without their contribution. All family parts are necessary elements to make the ”whole” work. The very structure of managing our home would collapse if our children didn’t own their parts.
Correct any and all wrong behavior
Never, ever allow for indulgence when you or your children are clearly wrong!. Always require strict obedience to God’s laws, legitimate laws of our country, and your house laws. This creates a sense of fairness and justice. The God of the universe is an absolute judge when it comes to making wrongs right, we should do no less. Upholding children when they have clearly transgressed any law, will create delinquent rebels and a stress a marriage to its breaking point. Period!
Captivate each others heart
Seek to build one another up everyday, all of us have a uniqueness given to us. Study your family members, figure out the jewel that they carry within their souls. God put it there for His own glory, His way of crowning each of us as different and special. As a loving couple you can see each family members inner-self better than anyone else. As a spouse, you have the power to strengthen or crush your mate. The family must build spirit led strength within the home before it can benefit anyone outside it.
Communicate openly with your family members
Nothing causes the family to shatter from within, faster than silence, secretiveness or misspoken words. If the members of the same household cannot talk with one another, then love cannot be cultivated. The home will be a place of coldness, riddled with selfish ambitions. Communication is vital to knowing just who is growing in your home.
Comfort one another
Each family member in or created through the marriage should feel safe inside his or her own skin. Too many of us have nursed the devastating lies of the accuser, about ourselves. The people living within our homes should find solace, a sanctum. The home should be the safe place for all members that inhabits it on a permanent basis. The Lord acknowledged that even foxes have dens, yet He wasn’t safe in this world, it was not His home. Where can we go if not our homes? If peace resides there, what person would want to flee such a place? Our homes should define our personal characters. It’s the place for us to bloom, as we are protected from the destructiveness of evil beyond its walls.
Consider ways to prosper together
Families should foster some sort of entrepreneurial enterprise, learn to earn as one. Your goal doesn’t have to be one of building a mega cooperation. Yet, you need to understand that small businesses keep this country running. America is the land of opportunity, especially if it is your families birth place, it is one of your birth rights. You should grab the chance as a family to create, produce, and serve your fellow American, as you build your family’s wealth.
This will challenge you all, but teach valuable skills to every member in the household. As Americans we must always think of ways to provide for ourselves, not to sit waiting for our government to give us provisions. Remember nothing is worth having, that is to easy to get.
That easily acquired thing will some day sour in your stomach. Challenge teaches perseverance, survival skills, and gratefulness. These are character traits that we should cultivate within our families.
Contend for your family and marriage
This is an absolute! Fight with all the strength that God has endowed within you when it comes to your loved ones. There is no other person, place or thing in this world that is liken to your family or your families dynamics. Fight for the privilege of having one another, Do the hard work to keep your family as a unit. Teach each one why the family is worth giving your all to protect. Today, people are just to easily whipped. It seems as if we just don’t have what it takes to hold one another up any more. Long gone is the tenacity that families seemed to have had in the days of old. Those people would rather have pitched tents in the woods in order to stay together, instead of allowing anything to separate their family.
Compassion for humanity must be cultivated within the family. Everyday we promise things like “I’ll pray for you” “I’ll help you with that” “I’ll baby sit for you” then end up trying to find a way out, or doing the thing begrudgingly. Train your family members to “Let their yes be yes and their no, no” This is truly important when your involved in anything. God is looking for vessels that have no deceit in their hearts, before He will use them. Learning to observe the needs of others, and seeing how you can help with your whole heart, will compel you towards their good. Compassion helps to seal a marriage as you raise a family together. You will thank God for giving you the opportunity to be used by Him.
This last one just might be the glue that binds all of the others. Laughter is healing medicine that is pleasing to the human soul. I can be burning mad with one of my loved ones, then they do some silly face or dumb mimicking voice. Most often my anger turns to laughter. I don’t forget about dealing with the present problem, I just allow the healing properties of laughter to saturate, the poisoning vileness of anger. As a family, you need to have a time to sit, talk, and laugh with one another. This will compensate for almost all of the harshness that you’re bound to face in the world that you live. Comedy can be fun and a safe place to show your silly side within the safety of your family. Who knows, one of you may become quite famous from this spirit building practice!
People say to my husband and I all of the time, “Oh you, guys have done a wonderful job at raising these boys, they’re so caring. They have good work ethics, intelligent, very manly and handsome”. We hear those kinds of compliments quite often. But the comment that I treasure the most is when someone says “You’re boys always have smiles on their faces” That’s the one I listen for, because it helps me to know that my sons are happy within themselves. I don’t mean that they’re walking around giggling all of the time like a bunch of nuts, (Lol) but enjoying the life that God has blessed them with. This is truly satisfying to the spirit of a healthy, well-balanced, marriage.
Just a few principles that we have used in our home, as we attempted to be the husband and wife that we believe God has deemed us to be. So far, with God’s leading, we have been successful launching two of our sons into adulthood, with two more to send off. Also, through adoption, we have taken on the new challenge of molding 4 more souls, all with our marriage growing stronger. We feel that using these principles we can help make life a little more pleasant and modeling how within marriage you can find happiness.
Adrienne Brown, Practical Mindedness